


Home to Me

by stylesharrys



Category: Harry Styles - Fandom
Genre: Army!Reader, Couch Cuddles, F/M, Fluff, Harry is worried, Hurt/Comfort, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:13:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25882660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stylesharrys/pseuds/stylesharrys
Summary: Y/N sniffles again and takes a shaky inhale of breath. “I uh… I’m being discharged,” she tells him through a choked sob. There’s a silence between them and Harry’s torn. He’s about to see his baby girl again but on what grounds? What happened?He swallows dryly. Harry’s sitting up in bed, scratching at the back of his neck and his eyes are pinched closed. He’s trying to stop his heart from hammering as he finds the words to say.“Okay… okay, tha’s okay… wha’ happened?” He coos.orY/N’s a nurse in the army and Harry just wants her back home with him.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Reader, Harry Styles/You
Comments: 2
Kudos: 45





	Home to Me

More than anything, there’s the overwhelming fear that catapults through his body whenever he hears a tapping at his front door. More than anything, it’s the soul-consuming, nauseating rush that washes over him in tidal waves whenever his phone rings.

Harry’s a mess, he always is when she’s drafted back out to another foreign country where he can’t protect her. He’s sick every morning when he wakes up and every night as he tries to settle to sleep. Her lack of presence makes him ill and he hates not knowing what’s going on.

He’s on edge all the time, distraught and anxious. Every time before she leaves, he promises he’ll be okay — that he won’t worry so much, that he won’t make himself ill. They’re all lies.

Y/N left for an undisclosed location two weeks ago and Harry’s reaping the consequences. He hasn’t slept more than an hour every night and his loss of appetite came days before she flew out. It’s selfish, he knows it is. Selfish for begging her not to go, to think of him, of her family. He hates himself for it, but he loves her too much to potentially lose her.

He stays though, he waits for her. He spends his time writing songs and visiting her family. He spends his sleepless nights re-reading old texts and letters she’s sent him while she’s drafted. Harry is proud and he’ll scream it from the rooftops, but he’s scared and anxious, and he wants her home with him.

They argued two days before she felt out. He made her feel guilty, made her rethink her career and what it means for them. The conversation of starting a real family together had arisen, of having children and moving out of the luxurious apartment and getting themselves a five-bed home closer to Holmes Chapel.

Then Harry had said those bitter words that had her ignoring him for hours. “ _Bit selfish to want a baby but won’t do anything now to stop putting your life at risk._ ” He grovelled after her for six hours; apologising and taking back what he said. He knew she was angry, knew she had every right to be, but he meant what he said and she knows it.

In the two weeks she’s been gone, he’s had complete radio silence. By now, he’d have received his first letter, one that reassured him she’s okay, that misses out the scary world she’s working in. He would’ve received another little Polaroid photo attached of her in her uniform, of a couple of her friends she’s made in the nurses' tents.

But he’s received nothing and maybe that’s why his fear and anxiety is so heightened this time around. He’s tried convincing her plenty of times that she can do the same job in the safety of London. That she could get any position in any hospital where she would still be helping people but be _safe_ while doing so.

And she’s always argued otherwise. Argued that she wouldn’t get the rush she gets when she’s on the field. That she wouldn’t be saving and helping her country like she does when she’s shipped off with the soldiers. And Harry fucking hates it.

He hates it because it only takes one stray bullet, one big missile. It only takes one thing to take her life and he can’t stomach the thought of it. He’s left with a permanent bitter taste in his mouth when she’s gone and no matter what he does, he can’t stop himself from thinking the worst.

He puts on a brave face for her family and his. Anne and Gemma are lounging on the sofa beside him, Y/N’s parents Cathy and Robert sitting on the smaller couch opposite them. There’s an old rerun of Friends on the TV and they’ve all got a cup of tea in their hands, having just finished a gorgeous lunch Anne had prepared.

They do this a lot when Y/N’s dispatched. Being together gives them a bigger sense of being close to Y/N and sometimes it’s quite nice to worry together, rather than alone. Because Robert and Cathy have each other when the sun goes down. Gemma and Anne have each other when the stars start to shine. But when darkness comes and consumes him whole, Harry has nobody.

“Was this one a three month or six-month mission?” Robert asks after a brief sip of his tea. Cathy sighs as she snuggles into his side. He’s always tried to forget the details of his little girls time away. He doesn’t want to allow his mind to count down the days, to come to terms with what she’s doing.

He’s proud, they all are, but she’s still his little girl and he wants to hold and protect her. “Three months... could be extended, though,” Harry answers, voice lacking its usual light-hearted nature. Anne reaches across for her son, hand on his shoulder as she squeezes reassuringly.

She’s always begged for him to come back to Holmes Chapel while Y/N’s away, but he won’t. He can’t. He tells them he needs to stay home to feel close to her and while that’s true, he doesn’t tell them the main reason. He needs to stay home in case informants come knocking with the news that _she_ won’t be coming home again.

Cathy hums, nodding her head. Tears are welling in her soft brown eyes and Harry feels her pain. They’ve spent countless evenings whimpering in each other’s arms. They all hate feeling this way but they do it for Y/N. They do it because they’re proud and she loves her job. She’s wanted this since she was old enough to understand what an army nurse was.

No one knows why this time is hitting them harder than the rest. It’s no different in what’s happening and what she’s doing, but there’s something off between the five of them. Something is wrong with the situation. It’s not necessarily a _bad_ feeling, more one of uneasiness and uncertainty. Of what, they’re not sure.

“I don’t know how you do it, Harry.” Robert is rubbing Cathy’s arm when he speaks and Harry frowns a little, looking to his lovers' father. “I’m losing my mind my little girl being out there... don’t know how I’d cope if it was the love of my life.” There’s something a little sour in how he says it, suggesting that he doesn’t love Y/N as much as he loves Cathy, but Harry says nothing. He knows Robert loves his daughter more than anything.

Harry nods, gnawing on his inner cheek. “I’m not,” he admits. “I’m not coping.”

\-----

It’s two in the morning. He’s wide awake, awoken abruptly from a twenty-minute nap of watching his love lose her life. He’s thrown up twice in the thirty minutes he’s been awake, showered and changed the sweat-soaked sheets.

He’s only just stopped crying, body aching and eyes stinging. He feels like he can’t do this anymore like everything is hurting way too much and he just doesn’t know what to do.

He contemplates phoning his mum, maybe even watching a few old videos he has of Y/N on his phone, just to hear her voice. But he thinks that might make him feel worse. His phone is pinched between his fingers as he lays spread on his back on the mattress. He’s kicked off the duvet and he’s in only a pair of boxers.

Deciding to hurt his heart, even more, he unlocks his phone and scrolls through his camera roll. He’s about to click on a video, taking a deep breath to prepare for her face but his phone cuts off and an Unknown Caller is plastered across his screen.

Harry feels his stomach drop, feels himself grow dizzy and faint. He isn’t silly. He knows she’s the only one to contact him on a blocked number. It’s the only way she can verbally contact him while she’s away. He answers the call with a trembling thumb, bringing the phone to his ear.

It’s silent, a little static on the other end and then he hears it. “Harry?” His shoulders sag in relief at the sound of the familiar voice. He’s holding onto her tone; her shaky and unsteady voice as she calls out his name quietly.

His stomach flips. “Love? Baby, ‘s tha’ you?” He doesn’t know why he asks for confirmation, he knows her voice from miles away. He doesn’t see her nod on the other end of the line but he’s sure she’s doing it anyway. “It’s me. I’m here, baby,” she whispers down the phone and tears spring to his eyes.

He can’t stop crying. His heart is crumbling to the pit of his stomach and he just wants his baby back home with him. “Fuck, Y/N. Wha’s going on? You never call this soon when you’re away,” he rambles. It’s true, and maybe hearing her voice is giving him more anxiety.

They’re not allowed to make personal calls very often. It’s something the army have become very strict upon. For soldiers, they’re allowed their video call home once a week. For nurses, they’re allowed their phone call home once a month, if they’re lucky.

She’s only been gone two weeks, something doesn’t sit right with Harry.

He hears her sniffle again and he feels sick. Is she hurt? Is she not coming home? Is this going to be the last time they ever hear each other’s voices? _No, no, no._ Harry shakes his head and grips the phone tighter. Fuck, he needs to hold her.

“Baby?” He coos softly.

Y/N sniffles again and takes a shaky inhale of breath. “I uh... I’m being discharged,” she tells him through a choked sob. There’s a silence between them and Harry’s torn. He’s about to see his baby girl again but on what grounds? What happened?

He swallows dryly. Harry’s sitting up in bed, scratching at the back of his neck and his eyes are pinched closed. He’s trying to stop his heart from hammering as he finds the words to say. “Okay... okay, tha’s okay... wha’ happened?” He coos.

He knows his girl, he knows how much she loves what she does. He knows she’s no doubt beating herself up about being discharged, but he needs to know why. Was she involved in misconduct? Was she injured? What happened?

She clears her throat and he hears shuffling on her end again. “My flight lands in about 9 hours... will you be okay to pick me up from the airport?” His eyes snap open, bulging wide. _She’s coming home today?_ He’s blubbering like a fish out of water, like everything is happening all at once and he feels like maybe his inward prayers of her coming home have been answered by the gods above.

He feels guilty, like he’s coaxed the universe to put this upon her.

“Wha’... ‘course, baby.” He promises. “Fuck, are you alrigh’? Are ya hurt? Babe, you’ve gotta tell me somethin’,” he begs, voice strained. He doesn’t know that she’s sitting in the airport, sobbing silently into her hand. He doesn’t know that she’s completely broken and aching.

She takes a deep breath to compose herself, doesn’t want him to worry more than she’s already been forcing him to. “I’m okay, I promise,” she sobs. Harry’s heart shatters at the sound, gripping the sheets in tight fits. He just wants her in his arms.

“Listen, don’t tell Mum and Dad I’ve been discharged, please? I just want to come home to you before everyone knows I’m back. We need to talk, H. You were right. It is selfish, and I can’t be selfish anymore.”

He stops breathing for a hot second, heart skipping multiple beats as he tries to grasp what she’s saying. “Y/N, wha’ are ya saying, love. Ye’r scaring me,” he mutters out as she bites back horrifying sobs.

“Don’t be scared, it’s all gonna be okay. I’ll see you at the airport, yeah? I love you, H.”

He sniffles, nodding to himself. “I love you more, baby. I’ll see you soon.”

Harry struggles to sleep when the call ends. He has nine hours to kill but he can’t think of doing anything other than panicking and crying. She wouldn’t tell him why she was discharged over the phone and Harry still can’t help but think the worst.

What if her leaving the army is the worst thing for her in the long run? What if she ends up hating Harry because _he was right._ What do they need to talk about? Why does he feel so sick?

He spends the next nine hours pacing around the house. He manages to run to the store at 7 am to stock up the fridge and cupboards. He knows the shitty survival food she has to eat and that she usually appreciates nothing more than a nice home-cooked meal. This will be the first time she’s coming straight home to just him. Whenever past missions have been over and she’s come home, they’ve always met at her parents' house, always had a family gathering with food and drinks and music.

This time it will be just Y/N and Harry and whatever food they desire when she gets home. During his drive to the airport, he can’t help but replay her words in his mind. He can’t help but think the worst when he remembers that she didn’t want her family knowing she’s back. He doesn’t understand it and he needs her to explain everything.

It takes Harry twenty minutes to hype himself up enough to get out of the car. As eager as he is to see his love again, he doesn’t think he has the guts to face her if she decides to choose her career over him and call their relationship off. He doesn’t think he has the guts to face her if she’s limping and battered and bruised.

He sucks it up, reminding himself that Y/N is the one that’s been putting her life at risk to save others, that Y/N is the one that is affected more by her discharge than he is.

He finds her terminal fairly quickly. It’s in a somewhat restricted area and Harry can’t help but wonder if other nurses or soldiers will walk out with her, or if she’ll be all alone.

It comes through across the tannoy that her plane is landing, and out of the window, he sees a small jet that she’s tucked away in. He sucks in a breath and hangs back, hands clammy as he clasps the bunch of flowers tight in his hands.

He’s never picked her up from the airport before and he’s getting anxious. The last thing he wants is someone noticing him and flooding their reunion across the internet.

He’s waiting for no more than five minutes before he sees the terminal door open to the connection to the plane and his love is walking out and toward him. She isn’t dressed in her uniform, she’s got on a pair leggings and one of Harry’s worn shirts that hangs just below her ass.

She isn’t limping from what Harry can see and despite the look of sheer exhaustion and hopelessness, she doesn’t look bad at all.

Her eyes are teary when she meets Harry’s gaze and he sees her bottom lip quiver. Y/N’s shuffling closer to his open arms, dragging her case along with her and she leaves it by the side as she crashes into her chest.

She’s sobbing into his hold, arms tight around his middle as he coddles her closer. “I missed you, missed you so much,” she hiccups into his shirt and he can barely make sense of what she’s saying. He coos her softly, smoothing down matted hair and kissing the top of her head.

As much as he’s basking in holding her close and feeling her touch again, he’s too aware of the possible prying eyes that could be intruding on such a private moment. He pulls away from her, one hand holding the flowers and his free hand reaches down to wipe her tears.

She offers a smile through the despair and they both know they can’t share more than a hug until they’re alone. She understands that. Y/N takes the flowers from his hands and tucks herself into his side. Harry drags the case for her, an arm around her shoulder as they make their way through the exists and to the car.

She doesn't want to let go of him when he opens the passenger door, but she does, _tentatively_ , and lets him shove her luggage in the boot before rounding down to the drivers' side. The second he sits in his seat and starts up the engine, Y/N can't take anymore.

She knows she's gone months without seeing him, but knowing what she knows with her discharge, she's missed him more than she ever thought possible. Her hand is quick to find his and she interlaces their fingers, leaning closer just as he turns his head to smother her lips across his.

It's soft yet messy, full of all the love and adoration they share. Harry’s hand leaves the wheel and cups the side of her face. His brows are furrowed as he kisses her harder, lips puckered and tongue softly licking across her bottom lip to get some sort of proper taste of her.

Y/N pulls away first, pecking his lips again and when his eyes flutter open, she's nearly crying. She settles back in her seat, Harry's hand resting heavily on her thigh, so Y/N takes it upon herself to change gears for him as he reverses out of his spot and makes his way back to their home.

The drive to the apartment is silent. Y/N sniffles from time to time but she keeps her focus out of her window and her hand resting on top of Harry's that still sits on her thigh. Harry keeps his gaze flickering from the road to the side of her face. He's on edge, so fucking desperate to know what's going on.

In the four years they've been together, Harry has never seen or heard her so distant yet so hysteric. She's completely off in herself and he's starting to understand why she didn't want her family around when she got home. Maybe when they get home, she's going to end it all.

Harry's broken into an uncomfortable sweat by the time they get home. She waits for him as he gets her bag from the car and they walk together in silence up to their flat. Their hands stay tucked together, only pulling apart for Harry to unlock the front door and usher her inside.

It's awkward as they stand there when the door closes. Harry isn't sure he wants to pressure her to tell him and Y/N isn't sure where she should begin about it all. She feels safe, though. Comfortable in her home once again and she notices just how obvious it is that Harry cleaned before he picked her up. He never usually fluffs the pillows.

She's toying nervously with her own fingers as she approaches the sofa, settling herself down and biting back the sigh of relief at the softness. Harry regards her for a moment, rolling her suitcase into the living room and standing idly a little opposite from her but the way his lanky frame casts a shadow in the late morning light that shines through the window, causes a little more anxiety to the young woman.

"Can uh, can you sit down for a sec," she stutters out, gnawing on her bottom lip. Harry nods and sits beside her, his knees bumping hers. She's trying to calm her breathing, trying to remind herself that this is _Harry_ and that they'll be alright.

"Babe," he coos, hand cupping over hers to stop the nervous jitters. "Ya can tell me anything'."

Y/N nods her head and wipes her clammy hands over her legs. "I know, I know... I just don't want you to be angry with me," she admits, daring to look up at him. Harry's brows are pinched and there are worry lines creasing in his forehead. He shakes his head and shuffles closer to her.

"Not gonna be mad at ya, love. Whatever's happened, we'll get through it together, yeah? We're a team, you 'n me." He goads, voice as light as he can make it under the unknowing circumstances and she nods, teeth clenched as she tries to get a grip.

"They didn't pick it up on my health checks two weeks before I got shipped out," she starts, voice shaking and Harry nods slowly, holding his breath. _Pick what up?_ "But I got feeling really uneasy and icky and faint when one of the soldiers came into the tent with his leg hanging off -- and you know me, Harry, I _don't_ get giddy or squeamish over that shit, but I fainted --"

"You _fainted_?!" He blurts. He's worried now, heart racing. "Wha' the fuck is going on, Y/N. Ya need t' tell me."

She chokes out a frantic sob, face distorted in worry and anxiety and she reaches for his hands quickly. "I didn't know before I got shipped out, I swear, H. I never would have let them put my name in again if I knew, please, believe me, I swear it." She begs, cheeks stained with tears but Harry can't wrap his head around what she's saying.

He's crying, too. Her knuckles have turned colour from her grip on his hands but he can't feel the crushing pain of her hold. "Know wha'? Wha' is it, Y/N? Is it -- are you sick? Is it--"

"I'm not sick," she shakes her head quickly. Her shoulders have sunk, chest heaving softly as she calms herself for her next words. Her bottom lip quivers as another tear slips down her hot face and she cups his warm and damp cheeks in the palms of her trembling hands, shuffling closer.

"H... I'm pregnant."

Everything is white noise as Harry stares at her lips -- the same lips that uttered the most life-changing words to him. _I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant. I'm pregnant_. His mouth blubbers open and closed helplessly before he breathes again.

"Y'er pregnant?" His tone is soft and gentle, could barely be considered anything above a whisper and Y/N nods her head again with another sniffle. "Nine weeks along... that's why they sent me home," she admits and Harry finally looks at her and his world comes crashing down.

All he can see is the guilt and self-hatred in her eyes and he knows exactly what she's thinking. "I didn't know, Harry. I swear, I didn't know." He shakes his head and pulls her into his lap. "I know, pet... y'er alright'." He coddles her to his chest, kissing at her temple as she sobs into his shirt.

He's at loss for words, can't wrap his fucking head around what's going on. _He's going to be a dad._ She pulls away as quickly as he pulled her into him and she wipes her tears, desperate to compose herself.

"You were right. I'm selfish for what I do when I knew we wanted to start a family. I'm selfish because I should have taken a test before I left, but I didn't and I put our baby in danger." She's rambling desperately and Harry lunges for her, cupping her face in his huge palms and cooing her to a state of calmness.

"Stop, right now." His voice is stern, firm and even but she listens. "You didn't know, love. Ya can't blame y'self fo' somethin' you didn't even know about. You're home and ya safe. And so is our baby," he reassures her, words slowly drawled out.

She nods in his hold, lips swollen from the insistent crying but the realisation of the entire situation quickly dawns on them. "Our baby," he repeats. "We're having a fuckin' baby!" He's buzzing, grinning wide and so is Y/N.

Waves of relief crash over them and the happiness is quick to take over any worry or anger and they're ecstatic. "You're gonna be a dad," Y/N notes, nose bumping his and he grins against her mouth, slotting his lips with hers and he hums. "And y'er gonna be a mum," he retorts between kisses.

They're smiling too much to actually have their lips pressed to the others. It’s a mess of clashing teeth and warm breath but fuck if it isn't the most special kiss they've ever shared.

Y/N pulls away just enough to see his face. He's smooth, something she's only just realised and he must've shaved as well as cleaned before he got her. She brushes his growing hair out of his face and tucks a lock behind his ear. "I'm not going back," she tells him.

Y/N is quick to notice the hesitation in his eyes but before he can say anything, to say he's sorry for influencing her decision, to say they should talk about this after the baby is born, she cuts him off.

"Even once we have the baby, I can't be going off again for months at a time and putting myself in that danger. You're gonna have tours and I know you said you'd take a break when the time comes that we have a baby, but I still can't go back out there. You and our little bub are the most important things to me. I'll get a job at a hospital nearby, but I'm never going back out there. I know that now.”

They're both in tears as Harry nods his head. One hand rests on her neck and the other on the subtle swell of her lower abdomen. Even through the salty tears, they're beaming at one another with excitement for their future together.

"I love you, so fucking much."

Y/N laughs tearily, leaning forward to plant a wet kiss to her lover's lips. "I love you, too. So, so much, H." He kisses her lips again through a smile and wipes away at her damp cheeks.

Harry encourages Y/N to lay back on the sofa and he shimmies between her parted thighs, the way he usually would if he was going to spend the night down there. Only, this time, he lifts her shirt and his cool hands cradle her tummy, nosing at the soft and podgy skin as he peppers gentle kisses.

"And I love you, ya little angel. Ya gonna be so loved and cared for, you'll be sick of me 'n y'er mum." A laugh echoes from Y/N's lips and he grins at the sound, crawling back up her body to kiss her lips gently, really getting a taste of her. "D'ya wanna call everyone over t'share the news?" he asks against her lips, brushing back stray hairs from her forehead.

She mulls it over in her head for a moment. She wants this moment with Harry, to bask in his company and feel his touch on her skin again. She wants him to know that she's serious about her decision, that it will always be him and they're baby before anything else.

She shakes her head. "Not yet, I'm happy with just us three."


End file.
